The Garderobe of Death by Howard of Warwick

Author:Howard of Warwick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: crime, comedy, historical fiction, humour, medieval, mystery and detective, funny book, historical crime, historical detective, cozy crime
Publisher: Howard of Warwick

…

Number four was much more spacious, so they could all spread out a bit. There was a rude table in the middle of the room and even ruder iron implements lying scattered around.

'You will tell us the truth,’ Grosmal growled at Wat, firmly held in the gaoler’s grip.

'Of course I will,’ Wat replied. 'In fact I already have.’

There was a pause while Grosmal looked at Simon. Eventually it sank in that the monk was supposed to take over.

'Master Wat,’ Simon intoned.

'So far, so good. Well done,’ Wat replied with an ironic grin.

'Do you deny that you were at De'Ath's Dingle when Brother Ambrosius died?’

'Yes.’

'What?’

'Yes, of course I deny it. I wasn't there. I only went to De'Ath's Dingle with you. Remember?’ He asked this as he would an old crone who had forgotten where she put her cat.

'But now you are here, and there is another death.’

'No, there was another death and then I came here. Or perhaps I can kill people from miles away. People I don't even know.’

'Devilry, hah!' Simon crowed.

'Oh don't be ridiculous. Look. De Turold died sometime last night yes?’

Simon looked to Grosmal for confirmation. The Norman nodded.

'When I was at De'Ath's Dingle.’

'So you say.’

'Where were you, then?’ Wat interrogated the interrogator.

'I was at De'Ath's Dingle as well, and I didn't see you.’

'Well, I was at De'Ath's Dingle and I didn't see you, so we've only got your word that you were there at all.’ Wat folded his arms and stared accusingly at Simon.

The Investigator was clearly getting lost.

'In fact I wouldn't be at all surprised if you'd concocted this whole thing to make sure you stayed King's Investigator under William. Get a nice murder under your belt. Pretend to solve it. Job done.’

Lord Grosmal was looking backwards and forwards as if the two men were throwing a ball to one another.

'We're not talking about me,’ Simon blustered.

'Perhaps we should be,’ Wat retorted.

'How did you kill him?’ Simon snapped.

'You tell me. You're the Investigator.’

'Shall we make him confess?’ Grosmal asked with some enthusiasm.

'Wait a minute,’ Wat held his hands out in an attempt to calm things down. 'How did anyone kill de Turold?’

'They shot him,’ Grosmal snorted and grinned, 'in the arse.’

'Quite right, sire,’ Wat congratulated the Norman, 'but how did they shoot him?’

'With a bow.’ Grosmal nodded to the others in the room to confirm his quick wit.

'Right again, sire, but how? He was killed from below, but the killer didn’t get out through the garderobe door because that had been shut for years. It was a struggle to get it open.’

'He must have come out through the privy seat then.’ Wat carried on a two-sided conversation as it was clear no one in the room was going to follow this unaided.

''But the hole in the privy seat is too small for anyone to climb through. And if someone did manage that, how did they see in the dark to shoot?’

‘They had a candle,’ he chastised himself.

'Ah, but if they had a candle why did they leave it behind in the middle of the night?’

'Hum,’ Wat considered his own reasoning.

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